DIWALI DEBACLE: THE SAGA CONTINUES

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread! How true. Take me for instance. Born to an expert cook and DIL of another awesome chef, I am that culinary ugly duckling that will never turn into a swan! One should know one’s strengths and weaknesses…. at least the latter. Nah! So I give in to some foolhardy impulse on the 19th and decide to prepare sweets for this year’s Diwali, myself. ‘Okay, guys,’ I tell the men in the family, ‘this year we are not buying sweets…. I am going to prepare them at home.’ Both smile.
I rummage in my cupboard for the recipe book that was a part of my trousseau. It is a thick 1983 diary in which I have painstakingly written down instructions starting from making coffee…to arranging a typical South Indian wedding feast. I am an avid collector of recipes…though I do not get to trying out many of them as hubby is not a very adventurous eater.
I find the weather- beaten (having weathered 23 years of my married life) book and quickly thumb through the pages. After much speculation on the intricacies of steps, ingredient availability and possibilities of success, I decide on Maida- cake, Rawa laddoo and Mysore Pak.

Disaster on the First Avenue: Mysore Pak. The easy- sounding sweet, when you read the recipe. Child’s play , the way Amma makes it. So I collect besan, sugar, ghee and the biggest plate to pour the mix when it is ready. I start after 'raahu kalam' ( inauspicious time acc.to Hindu calendar). 1 hour later. Realise rahu kalam is doing overtime today…..My mysore paks are rock hard. The knife I plunged in to cut the mixture into squares is stuck. Can’t retrieve it…. I can’t let the guys see this…. I quickly take the entire plate, mysore pak and stuck- knife and all and chuck the whole thing into the garbage bin. Needed new plate and knife anyway…. Customary to buy new plates on Dhan Theras , I must tell the guys. Am not very comfortable with the discarded plate sneering at me. Quickly cover it with the Freehold and Property sections of yesterday’s newspaper.( One thing with the dailies is that they give you a lot of supplementary sheets which are useful to cover up whenever you bin wasted ‘not so fresh’ vegetables and culinary disasters!!) Phew. Must take the garbage out myself today.

Maida Cake Mayhem: Compared to my mysore pak misadventure, the maida cake recipe looks more promising. Mom normally uses green food colour for hers. I decide on saffron…. Maybe people will think it is from Puranmal or Chappan Bog. Start venture afresh. Confidence is restored. The recipe book is strategically placed near the stove for frequent reference. Mmmm! Vanilla essence smells yum… Saffron is a better colour for maida cakes….must tell mom to change her patent green… Pour out the hot mixture into a tray. All’s well that ends well?
Well? Not quite….At the end of the required cooling time, the maida cake has not set. But the recipe says….. Well, the recipe may say anthing….This is very like me…. Really flexible…. I try to take a piece off the tray… It comes like the chewing gum the twins used to take out from their mouth to annoy me….. I chuck the whole thing in the freezer. Maybe it will set when it is frozen…. Otherwise I’ll throw it out after Diwali at an auspicious time…. Like when nobody is home…heh…heh a little foul play is acceptable at times like this!

Ruinous Rawa Ladoos: They say one should learn from one’s mistakes. Well, the rendezvous with rawa ladoo seemed to be so harmless that I decide to go ahead and try my hand at that. No technicalities…..no possible glitches of timing…. This should be a piece of cake, I mean… Laddooo, I tell myself. I call the grocery downstairs to send up some raisins. Start warming the semolina in my kadai… the bell rings… I collect then raisins…rush back to the kadai… to find that the semolina has turned slightly (!) brown. Oh no! I have thrown away enough things for the day. Don’t want to waste any more. Why not innovate? I decide to camouflage the ever- so –light- brown grains of semolina by adding green food colour. Who says rawa ladoos have to be white? Besides, necessity was the mother of inventions….One had to improvise in life….So I try out my new plan.
Sigh……! Sigh, sigh! Sigh, sigh... sigh!!!
Learn a new lesson…. Some things are just not meant to be…like green rawa ladoos…or improvising with the wrong recipe…like my expertise at preparing sweets…!!!! The result of my lab work shows miserable looking ladoos which are speckled in green (never liked that green food colour…wonder what mom sees in it…must tell her not to use it in future!) and brown…. Like the eggs of sparrows or plovers…. Ugh!!! I definitely can’t place this in front of my guests. What about the packed gifts for friends? Dare I pack these into festive looking boxes and palm it off on unsuspecting friends? No…the fear of getting caught is too much. Public ridicule is unbearable! Got another day (20th) for trying out a few more recipes…. Gulab jamuns or Maa ladoos or at least Shakkar paare… (even culinary mrons can make them). Nope! This is no season to experiment. I pickup the phone and call Bala, my brother in law. “Bala,” I say calmly. 'On second thoughts, I am not going to make any sweets. Can’t risk my spondylitis. Can you pick up a few kilos of sweets from Sri Krishna Sweets or Chappan Bog?” “Sure!” says Bala. “Shall do. Just give me your list.” No questions asked, no fibs uttered in response! It is in my hands now to remove the incriminating evidence from my kitchen before the guys get home… Happy Diwali!