RANDOM A4ISMS

AS RANDOM AS CAN BE…

‘Why A4ISMS?’ ask my friends… Well, I thought I’d take up where Dan Brown left off and be cryptic in my own rights. Look up ‘aphorism’ in the nearest lexicon and all truth shall be revealed. We Indians are so fond of quoting proverbs and adages (whether it covers the situation or not) and being a typical Indian whose old habits die hard (J) I am going to pepper my postings with some known, some unknown and perhaps many newly coined ones to drive home my (view)point.
I love anything vintage. And my father in law has a vintage collection of proverbs to suit any occasion. He does a P.C. Sorcar everytime he pulls out an apt proverb out of the proverbial hat (pun intended!) He often invites me to match his Kannada proverbs with parallel ones in English, Tamil or Malayalam. It is fun throw the gauntlet at him, but he always manages to win the proverbial duels.
Rajashri, my friend has given me three absolutely unconnected words. I was stumped for a couple of days, but here is my valiant attempt… As the first grade child quoted, ‘If at first you don’t succeed…… use new batteries!!!’

RAJASHRI’S WORDS- WISDOM, MUSTER (of peacocks), COVERAGE

‘Adi sheruppaala!!’ (Whack him with slippers! Effect lost in translation??) muttered Ranganathaiyer as he watched Sehwag being caught out in slow motion action replay. ‘These buggers are good only for advertisements,’ he muttered in disgust while groping around for the remote control as continuous replay mauled his patriotic feelings. Watching cricket on a plasma TV was a treat but it did make Team India’s flop show larger than life! Bad enough when I watched India lose out on a 21” TV. These new-fangled gizmos make it worse….. Pulling the remote control ( they are so christened as they hide in the remotest places possible!) from under the cushions, he started surfing channels. A coverage of the Miss World pageant caught his fancy. What shameless hussies! muttered Ranganathaiyer…. How can they call this a coverage when young shameless girls hardly cover parts of their bodies? Oh he loved playing with words!! Still, jokes apart, this muster of emaciated bodies set standards for beauty! He could not believe it. His idea of beauty was his wife Amudavalli- with all her dusky charm, her traditional buxom looks and madisaru podavai…. How he used to force her into wearing nine yards of saree when they were newly married,just to steal glances at the flash of her calves as she moved about in the house. It is what you don’t see that tantalizes you more than what is exhibited or flaunted, he felt. If he were in the panel of judges he would definitely give them the toughest question. How will you drape yourself in nine yards of material to bring out your beauty? That’ll floor these stick figured peacocks!”
‘Paati! Paati! Thatha is watching aamanathondi pondugal ( nude women)on the TV!” His grandsons were yelling on top of their voices. SHHH!!! The whole neighbourhood would hear you, said as he hurriedly switched the TV off….but not before he encountered the blazing eyes of his 75 year old wife who declared….. Kandraavi!! Kaadu vaa vaangaradu… Veedu po pongaradu… innuttum manushyanodu aashaya paaru!! (rough translation…. You are in the last innings of life, yet your yearnings have not subsided! Or something like that). Ranganathaiyer sighed. Innakku rathri rava kanji thaan!